Wednesday, June 18, 2008

bring me to life

I have been under a bit of stress lately. Between family, finances, health and the general state of the world, stress has become my main emotion. I don't like it. I'm trying to fix it. I'm not depressed but I suffer from anxiety. I am in a constant struggle not to run around like chicken little, yelling "the sky is falling!"

I was trying to pin point where or what all of this anxiety stems from so I decided to actually write it down on paper. Here is what I came up with:

That end part is totally immature, I know. I just feel that way right now. I feel very back the fuck off and let me breathe. I really wish I could get to a point where I am not waiting for the other shoe to drop or for the shit to hit the fan, I am just not there yet.

Part of the reason why I am not there yet is because I stopped taking anti anxiety medication thinking saving $33 dollars a month would be money well spent on things like Pull-Ups and organic peanut butter. This was a stupid, stupid idea and the fact that I stopped taking the medication only gave me more stress.

Sure, things could always be worse. I could be in the rubble of a quake in China or wiped out by a freak cyclone in Myanmar, but my "things" are all very real to me and they are making a pile of bricks on my chest. I am ready for some good times, you know. I need a teeny tiny bit of "things are ok" for just a little while. I am afraid I am letting life pass me by.

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