My kitchen is spotless!

I have insomnia. I could be using this time to write the great American novel but I'm not. I am awake looking at gossip sites like perezhilton.com and clicking on links about "back porn" at Kotke's site.

This ridiculousness coupled with my inability to talk or swallow without whining like a wounded dog has made my life somewhat sit-com'ish sans the sitcom money.

It's about 3:30 and right about now my younger sister should be getting ready to give birth to my new niece via c-section. Welcome to the world baby bathtub* your parents may be republicans but they are capable of love and compassion, so I don't worry too much for you.

I have also started reading again. I love reading. As I was digging through a box in my shed last week, I found a copy of the novel A Separate Peace by John Knowles and a copy of The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger. I love both of these books so I brought them out of the dusty box and put them on the book shelf so I could read them whenever. I'm ashamed that I had books in boxes. If my mother knew this she would probably beat me with her Borders frequent buyer card. If I was raised to know anything it was to put every book on a shelf and remember not to take the Lord's name in vein. So far I am 0 for 2. I am hoping the whole parenting thing will keep me in good graces. Whose good graces? I'm not exactly sure but it can't hurt to be in them, eh?

I think I am going to make a grocery list and then try the whole count sheep thing. If all else fails, there is the option of a Judy Garland cocktail** Wish me luck!

*Bathtub is the name that my niece Maddy has lovingly given the baby that is to be her sister Abby. I feel that Abby has many confusing years ahead of her not only because I will refer to her as bathtub but because her parents are republicans.

**Judy Garland cocktail = 1 percocet and a bourbon on the rocks. In moderation, of course.